Senior school years approached and because of logistics the best school for Jess was a girls school, it wasn’t her school of choice, ironically the one she wanted to go and it possibly rates amongst the best in the country is 1/2 mile from our house. At the time of school applications we lived elsewhere so moving close to this school the summer before seemed ironic.
Jess moved up to senior school, in the full throws of puberty . She refused to wear a bra, something most teenage girls can’t wait to do, instead settled for sporty crop vests. She found the transition to such a large school very difficult, although she had moved up with some girls from primary school it seemed they had all been put into different forms so new friendships began to be formed albeit slowly. Jess hated the way some of the girls swore, smoked and behaved, she just wanted to learn, she continued to be a studious child but I began to see her withdraw.
It’s difficult to look back and remember those years as at the time I felt I existed through them, watching your daughter look so blatantly unhappy and knowing everyday you had to take them to a place that accentuated it was heartbreaking. She began to have panic attacks, numerous times we would get to school and she couldn’t get out the car, sobbing I would drive home and rearrange my working day and stay at home with her, obviously there came a point whereby we had to make contact with the school to explain the situation. I felt there was little support from the school and throughout her time there communication was never one of its strengths.
Jess started to neglect her appearance, not really bothering how her hair looked, not bothered about clothes, the typical things a young girl embraces, I just accepted it just wasn’t her, instead she became more involved with computer games and anime was discovered, cosplay became a passion, a love for her that has grown and she still embraces with enthusiasm to this day.
By the end of year 8 things began to settle down, she was excelling at school, had made a small group of friends, one in particular, Lucy, who became a very close friend over the following years ahead.
Those 2 years were tough, it tugged at my heart so much, no one likes to see a loved one in so much distress, but I guess being unsure on the cause left me without a path to follow, I just hoped she would find happiness.
There was happiness awaiting Jess on the horizon, someone that came into her life, maybe some would say a soul mate, someone who has remained a rock and I’m so grateful for. A person that has showed to me that love can conquer anything and maybe the happy ever after to my story will involve this person, who knows, I’m just eternally grateful that their paths crossed and together happiness, courage and love has evolved.
primary school
transgenderandme 