Reach for the stars

It’s been 3 weeks since that virus got me and although I feel fine it has left me with aching swollen knees, not acceptable when you to want to run! I rang the Dr and the earliest appointment with my Dr was 23rd dec!!!! So I told her I would possible be cured by then, it seems not to be the case as I’m back on ibuprofen to mask the pain and have an appointment on Friday with the nurse practitioner, we will see!
Jake is back for a brief overnight visit on Thursday, which will be nice to catch up. When he was home 2 weeks ago we did have a chat about how he was doing etc etc and of course the subject came around to his father. He hasn’t heard from him since the end of August when he asked him to stand guarantor for his flat and basically he refused in a roundabout way, Jake told him what he thought about him and communication between them has ceased. I had to say I had no excuses for him, I couldn’t understand his behaviour and it was up to Jake on how he was going to deal with it, either confront him and tell him what he has done and how, it’s made him feel or box it and get on with his life, but the one thing he had to understand that none of it was his fault, if his father has issues dealing with his transition that is his problem, Jake shouldn’t feel guilty. If his father actually took the time to get to know Jake again he would see a person he should be very proud of.
On Friday I had a haircut planned with a lovely friend, sally, I hadn’t told her about Jake as the times I had planned to she was surrounded by her girls and I needed time with just her, once again another friend who accepted, tried to understand and had absolutely no idea this had been going on, she asked how I had managed it without cracking up, it’s what you do I said but I guess I could become a dam could poker player! So the circle of friends that I have spoken to is increasing, all responses have been positive.
My mum regularly sends Jake a text to see how everything is going and she told me how last week Jake phoned and they had a lovely conversation for 30 mins, now this is a major turning point in my mind, Jake doesn’t do phone calls and text messages are always short and to the point but I finally think he is feeling more secure with in himself, also realising the family that have been supporting him really do mean it, the Jess we once knew is returning as Jake, with the dry sense of humour and opinions galore. I guess when you don’t really know yourself it’s hard to respond to those around you that are going through the same kind of angst.
All you can do is reach for the stars and climb every mountain 😄

A grandparents story

 

Writing this blog has been a cathartic experience for me, it has helped me think through my emotions, deal with reality and learn from others. Now I’m in a place where I feel emotionally more stable I thought it would be good to hear from a grandparents prospective so today I’m introducing my mum and a piece she has written for me, she hasn’t read any of my blog so I apologise now to her if she spends the next few hours blubbering 😄

 

March the 7th 2013 is a date firmly implanted in my mind it was a Thursday I’d just got in from work and after having a shower then breakie I checked my iPad for any emails, when I saw one from my daughter I wasn’t too concerned but little did I know then how the impact of that email changed my way of thinking forever. I was told that my beautiful, clever,first granddaughter was so depressed she felt that she was transgender ( at this stage I wasn’t 100% certain about transgender ) but I was to learn very quickly.

One thing I knew for sure was that the way I felt about my granddaughter hadn’t changed one bit if any thing you love them more for what they are going through.

The first time I saw her after I’d been told was 6 weeks later we went over to take her her birthday present I just wanted to hug her forever and shield her from all the cruelties of the world, but you can’t do that because she has been so very, very brave in saying ” this is not me, the real me is a he” one of the hardest things for me is the name change. How hard it is to switch from Jess to Jake, as they say old habits die hard, but one thing I told him is that I will try very hard and to be patient as our generation ( grandparents ) find change very difficult. The good thing is today’s generation adapt to change and seem to see nothing as “normal” it’s just you are what you are. They also say times a healer! All I know is that time has given me time to come to terms with things which are NEVER going to be the same again, all it know is that in my eyes Jake has never looked so happy and contented and I’m so incredibly proud of him for being true to himself not many do.
My family are my life male, female, gay, transgender, whatever, nothing breaks the bond you feel for your children then grandchildren, life goes on as we grow older and hopefully wiser and less judgementle of this world.