Tick tock tick tock…….
Time has been passing me by and generally all has been ok, I still have my own issues of ‘why my child?’ And anger associated with what he has had to go through and what he has missed out on but I realise I need to let this go at some point.As time ticked on silently in the background it suddenly stopped.
Sunday I had a text from my ex asking whether I had heard from Jake, well as you can imagine I felt as if my heart stopped beating, what had happened to him? I imagined the worst. He said he would speak to him and let me know.
Some time later Jake rang me and explained him and Matthew has split up. I felt as if my world had imploded, Mathew has been the stable part of Jakes life for 7 1/2 years, I just couldn’t comprehend.
The days that followed had my angst once again swirling, Jake was up and down on what he was going to do, initially he was flat hunting and had found a suitable one until I suggested that because he possibly had surgery in the near future and the fact he may be changing jobs and therefore locations why didn’t he return home for the short term and give himself some breathing space, he agreed to do this.
Thursday morning he called and said he couldn’t wait for the weekend and would I pick him up that day? I had no choice, of course I would even though the thought of driving to London on my own filled me with panic, it was a time not to think and just do it.
Two hours later I arrived, a sense of relief washed over me, it’s amazing what you can do once adrenaline takes over.
Matthew was in the flat so I gave him a hug and said how sorry I was it had ended. We quickly packed up jakes belongings and I said goodbye to Matthew. We will need to return at some point to take the rest of Jakes belongings but my priority was just to get Jake home and to feel safe. He admitted he wasn’t coping, this of course was no surprise when you consider what he has been dealing with over the last few years, uni, full time work and his transition, at some point it seemed inevitable he would combust.
So he’s home, it’s odd having him around and it’s so easy to fall in to the parent / child mode but I’m trying not to, he’s 22, he’s an adult!
He is looking at possibly buying a property nearby and commuting to work, it’s a big step but I guess it like he is retuning to the family fold once again.
I still feel sad about the whole situation and I have checked Matthew is ok, but there is nothing else I can do except to just be here for either of them.
A friend said that maybe it was a case of the relationship had run its course, Matthew has been an important part of Jess’s and Jakes lives but the two of them no longer needed each other, maybe I guess only time will tell.