Life and reality 

It’s 2 am and my eyes open, for that split second I have no worries and then the memories return, washing over me, engulfing me until I feel I cannot breath. The image of my brother lying in a bed in ICU is scarred across my eyes, it’s one I can never ever forget, one I wish was just a nightmare I had woken from but sadly this is reality, it happens to people, loved ones become ill but why did it have to happen to my brother?

He has been in hospital since 30 th December with what they suspected double pneumonia, 3 days later he was in ICU sedated and ventilated.

It’s been a tough week and not going in to too much detail at this point the outcome is not known.

We have to remain positive, my brother D is a strong man, one always full of life, accepting of others, don’t be mislead he is no angel but underneath all his problems he has a heart of gold and hopefully after this nightmare ends he can rebuild his life and the D of my past can return.

Once again I feel myself wrapping the protective bubble around myself, trying to go about everyday life, willing him to heal but it’s hard, my reality at this point isn’t one I want.

Today was the first time I visited as all week I’ve had a chest infection so steered clear and as he had woken the day before and was off the ventilator the news was he seemed on the mend but what I saw was my brother fighting for his life, with every breath he took, how did this happen?

He had asked his partner if he is dying, that upsets me more as he is conscious enough to realise he very ill and he’s afraid. Hopefully as he gains strength and they get on top of the infection the love of his family will pull him through.

You wonder how much more you can take, you think you can’t cope but you realise you have to continue, to fight on, to support those around you and just remain positive. This is life

This is my life

I wish is wasn’t