21 years later

21 years ago I gave birth to Jess, a perfect bundle of gorgeousness!
Who knew at the time the journey we as a family were about to embark on. Never did I consider I would need to take the path I have done over the last few year, never did I think I wouldn’t be sharing the journey with my then husband, just goes to show how life is so unpredictable.
The one thing I did know at the time was all I wished for was that Jess would grow up to be happy and content in her life, that I would love and support her decisions in life without judgement and I would always be by her side.
So here on Jakes 21 St birthday I wish exactly the same as I did then. I’m a very proud mother to see how my child has conquered so many difficulties in his young life and continues to grow with confidence and with what he wants to achieve. I truly couldn’t have asked for anything else.
Jake you are a true inspiration to others and I wish you nothing but happiness throughout your life where I will always be, by your side, just i case you need me.

Sunshine on a rainy day

 

Yesterday was a long day, a day to come to terms with what was our new reality. The space where her bed was looked vast, the house now echoes without her, how can one dog make such a difference? I started work at lunch time so it gave me time to compose myself and get my poker face in order!
I can’t believe how fast the years have past, the last couple we have been nursing an old dog, things changed, her walks became shorter, she was just content to go out for a sniff, she became a little grumpier with other dogs, she lost her hearing and it makes me smile when I think these last few months when she was totally deaf we started to use sign language to her lol she soon understood dinner! Hubbie reminded me how she wrecked his kitchen flooring when he looked after her for me, pulled up the plants from his garden, got stuck in a river so he had to get in and pull her out, lol and he wasn’t put off, secretly I think it was my cute puppy that was the attraction 😉
Thank you for all the comments it’s helped me accept it was her time, I did the right thing.
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day, abnormally so for this time of year, as I got out of my car for my first appointment, my heart heavy, I felt the warmth from the sun followed by a gentle breeze and at that point I felt her love, you see her pedigree name was Sunshine Breeze, something we had never called her, but she was that beautiful breeze on a sunny day, gentle, welcoming , we all love a gentle breeze to break the heat and everyone loveed Pepsi.
Hopefully I can resume some running, after a cold then the wisdom tooth explosion I feel as its one thing after another, but for once I’m listening to my body, how right I was not to run a spring marathon. I’m looking forward to vlm, it will be good to be on the other side for once

She thought her name was biscuit, a sad farewell

Yesterday was tough, I mean super tough, I awoke to a normal Monday morning, the weekend pepsi albeit stiff in the joints had partook in her short walks, still raced me to the kitchen to scoff any cat food that was left, I add I wasn’t going to eat it but the last 5 years we’ve kept her weight down as she took a great liking to cat food and put on too much weight! I had already planned to take her to the vets to get some pain relief for her old joints and to make her final time more comfortable. When I got up she could barely stand up, she struggled to push herself up, I helped, she firstly hobbled into the kitchen to check on the cat food, ate her breakfast and then very slowly hobbled outside to go to the toilet. Every step was a struggle for her, not just the normal stiffness, her legs were not co ordinating, once she got back inside and settled on her bed I sat with her to comfort her whilst she moaned to herself. The half tail wag was there, the look as if to say ‘ what’s happening to me‘ I just knew it was time, I’ve always know this day would come, it would be the last gift of love I could give her but my heart screamed no I didn’t want to let her go. I rang the vets and arranged for the vet to visit that evening and cancelled my clients for the day, it was a long day, I sat with her when she seemed to be in pain, I feed her gravy bones galore, I told her I loved her and soon she would be pain free. A friend visited for a few hours and being in the medical world questioned whether she needed pain relief and the time wasn’t right yet, until she saw her struggling to stand and cry out, she understood then. Hubbie arrived home at 4:30, he was in pieces but sat with her, I left then for a while, I felt he needed s little time without me, although she was my dog, we met when she was a little pup, she was his too. We fed her a final meal and what better choice but cat food, she then hobbled out into the garden to go to the toilet, I couldn’t believe she managed it after not moving all day, she still had her dignity, once back in she seemed unsettled again, I guess this had taken a lot out of her, so more gravy bones were administrated, There was a little mix up at the vets and I had to chase them up, any other time I would have complained, bhut tbh I didn’t have it in me I just wanted it over with. The lady vet arrived with her assistant, they were lovely, she sat and stroked pepsi and talked to us, I held pepsi tight, I knew she was unsure on why these people were here, but trusted me, her body melted to mine as I felt her relax, the pain left her so quickly and even though I was devastated I felt relief, I knew I had done the last act of love for her. We spent a few minutes with her and the said our goodbyes. I have to say it was a lovely way to go, in your own bed with some one you love and trust, if only we could all go that way. i rang Jake to let him know, the only reason I got her was at the time Jess whittled for another dog, we had been pet  free for a year since I had separated from my husband, how could I say no to that request? Jake took it in his stride but I’m sure he will say a farewell in his own way, pepsi has been by Jess s side and then jakes since the age of 8, he’s 21 soon, it’s a life time The house is missing it’s heart beat this morning, that wag of a tail, snoring of an old dog sleeping, a gap where her bed was. It’s going to be tough but I know it was her time and she didn’t have a long drawn out illness. I imagine her now restored to that mischievous young dog, that stole other dogs balls, thought her name was biscuit ( it was the only way I could distract her when she was off playing with other dogs) , pushed her way on to the couch to snuggle next to you and was the best dog ever.