A slap to the face and all that!

A slap in the face, blow to the stomach, kick in the teeth, that’s how it feels some days.
I know I’m in a better place than I was 2 years ago and generally I’m in a more positive mood with a happy go lucky attitude but sometimes it hits you- bam and in that instant you feel the wind has been taken from you, sucked from your lungs in a second, the angst swirls in you stomach and your head screams ‘ why me?’ These moments are a lot less than previously but they are still around. It’s a moment when I feel sorry for myself, wonder why I have to deal with it, consider the unfairness of it all and once I’ve got over my own self pity I then think of jake and once again I can’t breath as then I realise how ever hard it is for me I will never comprehend how difficult it has been for jake.
The more I think of what he has dealt with the more my head feels it will explode

And then I remember he is dealing with it, he’s happy, he’s excelling, he’s alive and that’s when I gather all my self pity and woes pack then back into a box and close the lid, Until the next time.

2 thoughts on “A slap to the face and all that!

  1. I know it’s hard, especially as a parent myself, not to imagine how my son who is almost 30, may or may not feel when confronted with adversity. Then again it is not my job, as a parent, to be caretaker to his feelings. It takes away from his autonomy and makes me co-dependent and an enabler, where the boundaries between who I am and who he is become blurred and I don’t know where my feelings end and where I imagine his feelings begin. This concept is a cornerstone to any 12-step recovery program as any veteran of such a program can tell you, but only if you ask.

    • And I guess that’s why I’ve found blogging a healing process as outwardly to all that know me, they have no idea of what’s going on inside, Jake too knows none of this, to him I’m just mum, always there.

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